[always thinking]

Not long until that time again

2006-09-07T13:54:33Z

I will update soon I promise. My head's a bit all over the place and I don't, for once, feel the need to share it with you.

For now though, a song I've been listening to a lot.

Azure Ray - November

So I'm waiting for this test to end
So these lighter days can soon begin
I'll be alone but maybe more carefree
Like a kite that floats so effortlessly
I was afraid to be alone
Now I'm scared thats how I'd like to be
All these faces none the same
How can there be so many personalities
So many lifeless empty hands
So many hearts in great demand
And now my sorrow seems so far away
Until I'm taken by these bolts of pain
But I turn them off and tuck them away
'till these rainy days that make them stay
And then I'll cry so hard to these sad songs
And the words still ring, once here now gone
And they echo through my head everyday
And I dont think they'll ever go away
Just like thinking of your childhood home
But we cant go back we're on our own
Oh,
But i'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself
So were speeding towards that time of year
To the day that marks that you're not here
And i think I'll want to be alone
So please understand if I dont answer the phone
I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
Until I can see nothing at all
Only particles some fast some slow
All my eyes can see is all I know
Ohh..
But I'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself

Wonderland

2006-06-05T15:58:15Z

I am in love with Sol Seppy.
Beautiful Summertime music makes me feel all pretty and light.

The Letter Meme

2006-04-27T16:21:04Z

Comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your journal, including an explanation what the word means to you and why, and than pass out letters to those who want to play along.

For the lovely _ragdoll13_ who gave me the letter 'D'

Digital Photography: I love all kinds of photography really but I love the cleanliness of digital. Things always look so crisp, and and of course... It's quicker than regular film photography.

Dirty Pretty Things: I am rather hooked on this band. Really I never expected to be, I always thought because Peter was the one closest to my heart, I'd always be more likely to go with BabyShambles. I can't explain what it is about Dirty Pretty Things, I've seen them live and they were just so tight. I feel like I'll never be hurt by them like I have been with Peter.

Diet Coke: I generally don't drink fizzy juice (pop... whatever it's called) but I really like a glass of Diet Coke with load of ice. I'll never drink regular Coke. I don't know why. Yeah this ones a bit silly.

Drunk Dancing: I can't dance, I've never said I can. I do love to get tipsy and dance about silly to to anything a little bit mad. 'Don't Look Back Into the Sun' is my classic drunken song. Everyone knows that if it comes on anywhere I'll go a mad.

Dots (The Polka Kind): I love dots. Polkadots are cool, I want to buy a polkadot dress, I used to have one when I was about ten. It was navy blue with white dots and it buttoned all the way up the front. It'd probably still fit me which is quite scary. I want a green one now though. Yeah so dots...

Deserted Railways: I used to live in the tiny little village out in the countryside. Once upon a time, like in the late 1800's there was a railway. It was used for some business or other and when that closed the railway was no longer needed. So now there's just this old railway line out in the middle of these hills. You can walk for miles along it. I used to walk until I was tired or not angry any more (it was somewhere I went mostly when I was sad or angry, my escape place), then I'd just find somewhere to lie and stare up at the sky. It was such a beautiful place.

Dreaming (Any Kind): I am such a dreamer, I don't really live in the real world. I know a girl who once said I live my life like I'm in a fucking movie. She hated me and I guess she saw it as a bad thing. I don't though. The world can be such a cruel and disgusting place so if you can escape inside your head then what's so bad about that?!

Deep Conversations: Late at night I tend to think a lot about stuff. If I'm talking to someone I'll end up having these amazing conversations about pretty much anything. Love, hate, music, mental health issues, the earth, the sky... the moon and sea. I never really remember what I've said and I always wish I had recorded it. Not many people have such conversations with me, if they do then they really are lucky.

Drawing On Myself: There is never a day goes by when I don't draw or write on myself. On the left leg of every pair of jeans jeans I own - just above the knee, almost right at the inside of my thigh - you will find a tiny black heart. I don't even remember when I first started doing it but whenever they wash out I notice and draw them back in. I mostly always have a word (or sometimes lyrics) scrawled on the inside of my right wrist too. For many months I had 'Fucking Andrew Kendall' penned on my right hand, and underneath it was just a general comment about whatever I had been feeling that day.

Doherty (Peter): I guess this is cheating a little but seeing as _ragdoll13_ had Carl for the letter 'B', I thought I'd have Peter. There really isn't much to say on that, obviously he is very special to me... If I started writing about how much, I'd possibly never stop and I'm quite positive that I've taken over far too much of you Flist already today!!

Oh my god!

2006-04-18T02:25:39Z

Dear World,

I think I am addicted.

Christie.

she_will_fall @ 2006-04-14T01:07:00

2006-04-13T00:12:26Z

I would actually appreciate it if you did this. Even if you don't know me that well or don't care to know me any better...

I even made it public!!

http://suthnoli.livejournal.com/131794.html?view=1362642#t1362642

Happy Birthday

2006-03-12T14:01:45Z

Peter Doherty, Happy 27th Birthday. I love you with all my heart Bilo.

And just incase you forgot Peter, Biggles loves you too x

EDIT: MY EL-GHEY IS STILL GHEY. THE CUT WONT WORK PROPERLY

AK - No, I'm Not Being A Fangirl

2006-01-23T22:39:39Z

From:	andrewkendall
Title:	hey
Date:	Fri Jan 20 14:29:31 GMT 2006

if you have a second could you get a few friends to join http://www.makeascene.net/
i need people using it so i can test!
thank you

Oops, it's been sitting in my inbox for ages, I didn't know it was there. I've been in on this site for a while... was one of the first to help test it... *is proud* It's like www.myspace.com but for Indie kids... how wonderful.

So yes, do as The Kendall says... join. Please message him and tell him I told you to join up! I want him to know that I'm a good little slave girl.

The Best Deceptions

2005-04-14T15:35:08Z

It feels good doing this. Starting over, even if only - for now - on a journal. Moving on to a new space in time and leaving the past and the people in it where they really belong. So many stories... so many lies... so much hurt. It's all over now.

Moving on involves being more private about what I say. I know I can offend, but karma works it's way around and I've read my fair share of shit in return from other people. I don't need to justify myself, I never will.

I think. I feel. I don`t like many things. Those things that I do like, I end up loving and I speak my mind on them. I've got a very strong mind, unfortunately my heart doesn't follow suit. I stand up for what I believe in. I hate being wrong but will admit my mistakes, of which there are many. I care too much about too many trivial things and not enough about what matters. I love life but I hate having to live it. I can change that though.

Yes, this does seem like another one of my 'Woe is me, for I am undone.' entries but that's just not it. This is me...

If you don't like it, you don't need to deal with it.

Friends Only